Top 10 Illegal Gaming Phone Accessories
The world is full of crazy and cool accessories for gaming phones, but not all are created equal. In fact, some gaming phone accessories are illegal, and some are absolutely buck-wild! We put together this collection of our favorite items that you can try to get for your phone. Some of these may require glue, velcro, or a little imagination to get to attach to your phone – but it’s totally doable! Please, don’t get arrested in your country if you live in SIMP-town. We are not lawyers, and we don’t recommend anyone actually buy this stuff. Talk to a lawyer if in doubt!
#1 The PhoneGun – Attach or Stack a Pistol to Your Gaming Phone!
This is a great way to “let the games begin,” so to speak, if you are hunting those ‘waskally wabbits’! This is a fully functional gun that folds into what is essentially the exact size or smaller of most modern gaming phones. It’s even the right size to fit most iPhones!
This one does take a little creativity, but we would recommend velcro. Every day we stray further from G**, so having this fun, cute, and quirky attachment be able to rapidly de-attach and might be useful if you want to preserve your life – along with your quirky, uniquely free-spirited attitude!
#2 The PhoneKnife – Make Your Gaming Phone Stab Your Opponents!
What better way to defend yourself than with a knife permanently attached to your phone? Odds are, your phone is always in your hand anyway. This one can come in a few different varieties, depending on the knives available in your city. Some fancy people may even use butterfly knives for the awesome dance moves you can perform while fending off your attackers.
Think about it; you can call the cops as you slash the eyes and neck of your would-be robbers! You could pre-order unavailable GPUs while you cut open Amazon boxes from your past pre-order of unavailable GPUs! Everything you buy comes in the same Amazon box anyway, so you know you’ve always wanted a knife on or near your phone anyway!
#3 The LaserPhone – Blind and Melt Your Way Through Your Battery!
Now that we’re in the 21st century, it’s time that our gear reflects this. Society is falling apart rapidly anyway, with one party who believes in science vs. the other party who has read the dire news of research coming out of every corner not owned and controlled by American corporate influences. Bad ideas, bad people, and bad things can all be melted away before your eyes with a strong enough laser!
Speaking of eyes, you could see a potential threat coming miles – especially if you have a nice gaming phone with a zooming camera. Once you target the criminal, you could aim your laser at them and blind them before they get near you, potentially saving your life and your body!
#4 The “Game Enhancing Drugs” Gaming Phone Accessories
We aren’t here to judge, but we know many people and athletes, students and executives love drugs. Many drugs can be and should be considered and treated as performance-enhancing drugs. Now that esports is a career and a profession, what better way to sneak in your favorite performance-enhancing drugs than through your discreet cell phone, which security barely ever even glances at!
Sure, it takes big balls to literally hand your drug-filled phone to the security as you step through the metal detector, but they are more often than not looking at you for other knives, weapons, and tools you might have hidden on your body. This is especially true now that many of these tools are made of hardened plastics to evade metal detectors. You don’t even have to be a criminal or a bad guy to use this one. Sometimes, it’s just nice to have an extra little pocket!
#5 The Network Hacking Gaming Phone Attachment
Not sure what the password is to “your” WiFi network after all these years? Coincidentally need to get access to “your” old WiFi network for some mysterious and totally ethical and legal decision? Of course, we would never advocate breaking any laws, nor do we, so this one is especially useful for the many legal users of WiFi networks whose password you’ve forgotten.
Want to see if your home network has decent security to brute force attacks? Congratulations, you can start telling the opposite sex that you are a legitimate white-hat hacker, and you are testing your network’s security protocols using this sweet-looking attachment!
#6 The TaserPhone – The StunGunPhone Attachment!
A taser is a classic tool at the disposal of most people in most non-dictator-run countries. These tools are a special class of weaponry that is at least trying not to permanently injure or kill the opponent. These tools simply connect manually or fire a small projectile, that releases volts of electricity into the target. The electricity is stored in an onboard battery or from the gaming phone itself.
These stun guns or tasers can be great tools for those who are most afraid of up-close battles and robberies. The tool doesn’t need strength to back it up, and it’s a common defense tool for women. We are big advocates of self-defense, so be sure to make sure they are legal both in your state, but also in your city. Some places, like New York City, have unique laws that make it legal to own and carry in-state, but not so much in the city – where you would need it most.
Note: There are a growing number of cases where tasers and stun guns have resulted in accidental deaths. This shouldn’t be too surprising, as most people are getting weaker and more pathetic as the years go on in modern society.
#7 The PepperSpray Phone Attachment
We all know what pepper spray is, and sadly, even some major cities are beginning to outlaw these. These are in their own category of barely legal but should be completely legal. These are absolutely useful for women and are great because they require no strength and even no aim. Technically, and literally, it’s common to spray yourself in the middle of its use – but it can still deter a violent incident from occurring. On the other hand, it may just anger the drug-induced madman into taking things to the next level, so be sure you have all options available to you.
Like other tools and gaming phone attachments, this tool can allow you to call 9-11 and even get them on speakerphone as you spray processed chemical peppers into the air. This has the benefit of also working great on small, annoying, but fast-moving animals that may be a threat to you for some reason.
#8 Night Vision Gaming Phone Accessory
From small children to Navy Seals, everyone knows what night vision is and everyone would love to have this functionality. Using night-vision attachments on your phone is the closest and most affordable way to make this a reality. This one has the widest variety of options as well, surprisingly. Some phones even have this functionality built-in!
The reason for this is many, from construction workers at night to hunters trying to make their mark – the uses of night vision are endless. Some people use it to walk around their house when they hear things go bump in the night. Imagine if you think someone is sneaking through your house, and you remotely turn off all the lights and power. Then, you walk slowly through your own house with night vision and a gun and stalk your prey as they think they are making a decent lick. You better have a shovel and a private backyard unless you want lots of drama the next day!
#9 Thermal Imaging Phone Attachment
This is very similar in size, design, and purpose to the night vision phone attachments. For some jobs and duties, the thermal imagine might be even more useful than night vision. If you are working with heating pipes and you need to find where the heating pipes have stopped working in a house, you can scan the walls and literally see where the heat begins and where it ends.
Depending on the exact variety of uses, you will have to use your own brain to figure out which one is better for your needs.
#10 Range Finder Phone Attachment
Range finders are a necessary part of the algorithm for all ranged weapons and tools. Snipers, hunters, and archers all rely on the distance to their target to get their pitch and aim perfectly set. The range finder phone attachment is ideal for rapidly getting this distance and narrowing down the accuracy to perfection. This will allow you to hit your target at a much more reliable rate, and again – we assume this is just for target practice!
If the nutjobs are right, you’ll be glad to have these tools for survival nonetheless!